A Short Update...

Well it was my goal to run two of these things a day and finish by the beginning of a April. As you can see we are not even halfway finished with the first round, Kansas is the national champion, and baseball season is well underway. So are we aborting the tournament? NEVER!

I've decided there is no reason to rush through this thing. We will post match-ups little by little and over the course of a few months choose the champion. Seems I bit off a little more than I can chew. It's just that writing two of these things every day gets a little tedious. And I'd rather blog about some other things from time to time as well.

So bottom line...keep checking here often because match-ups will sneak up from time to time. And there will be other oddly entertaining stuff here too.

Peace.

First Round: Daniel Plainview vs. Kelis' Milkshake

DANIEL PLAINVIEW

Seed: 6

Overview: A newcomer to the tournament, you will believe this oil man when he says he is here to make a splash. Comes with a pint sized deaf son.

Pros: Somewhat of a bad ass. Hot hand right now.

Cons: Lacks parenting skills.

Outlook: It is doubtful that even Nasty Nas himself will be able to keep Daniel Plainview from drinking Kelis' Milkshake up.




KELIS' MILKSHAKE

Seed: 11

Overview: Kelis' milkshake is perhaps the most well-known such delicacy of the decade.

Pros: Kelis' milkshake is well documented to be "better than yours." It has brought many a boy to the yard, including Nas.

Cons: Just happens to be going up against an opponent built for the destruction of milkshakes.

Outlook: Should get drunk all up.

First Round: A Wee 3-Year-Old Girl vs. Linkin Park

A WEE 3-YEAR-OLD GIRL

Seed: 4

Overview: A wee 3-year-old girl last met Linkin Park four years ago in this tournament and scored a big victory.

Pros: Not Linkin Park.

Cons: Inexperience. Limited vocabulary (yet still vastly superior to her competitor's.) Also, I just can't bring myself to post a picture of a 3-year-old girl on my blog.

Outlook: This is a good match-up for a 3-year-old girl. She may still be trying to get her bearings about her, but Linkin Park is a nice practice game for her before she faces what could turn out to be an ugly scene in a second round meeting with Pirates.




LINKIN PARK

Seed: 13

Overview: Linkin Park is a comically terrible rock band from California. Some people seem to think they created a genre or transformed a genre or some dumb crap like that. Maybe they are right. I mean, where would we be without a genre where some dipshit sings the verses in boy band-like melody and then starts screaming and growling about something crawling in his skin when the chorus hits? And I guess they opened the doors for bands like, ummm, Drowning Pool.

Pros: They seem to inexplicably hang out with cool people like Jay-Z. So...maybe they are cool by association? Maybe?

Cons: You choose one.

Outlook: When Rick Rubin can't make you sound good you know you are in trouble. I see no way LP avoids getting pwned by a 3-year-old girl.

First Round: Tony Rich Project vs. Pirates

PIRATES

Seed: 5

Overview: Pirates are known to sail the seven seas and raid things and such. Many of them lack body parts, presumably from previous adventures.

Pros: Ummm...you have to ask?

Cons: I don't think they exist any more. And if they do they have shit like...GPS and stuff...and that makes them significantly less badass.

Outlook: Pirates are a perennial contender but I think they may be losing some steam. People seem to be getting tired of pirates. You know...a few years ago you couldn't get enough of pirates...but now, it's like, Johnny Depp...ok? Make a new movie...you know?



TONY RICH PROJECT

Seed: 12

Overview: You probably best remember Tony Rich from his 1996 hit "Missing You", in which he just kept "thinking about that love that we had." Apparently he has a couple more recent albums. But who cares?

Pros: That song was kind of catchy.

Cons: The Tony Rich Project is cool...but no Tony Toni Tone.

Outlook: How far can they go on the power of one radio single? Who knows? (I do...not very.)

First Round: Autism vs. Kickball

AUTISM

Seed: 8

Overview: Autism is everybody's favorite fad disorder! You've certainly seen it on the cover of Time or CNN. Enough said.

Pros: Autistic kids are usually pretty funny and cool.

Cons: Often confused with Asperger's syndrome, a disorder with only a fraction of the pop culture sexiness.

Overview: It's hard to say how people will vote on this one. For instance...does a parent of an autistic child vote FOR the disorder in support of their child, or against it in a fit of Cure Autism Now fervor? Difficult questions to answer.




KICKBALL

Seed: 9

Overview: Kickball is a game that is mostly played by elementary school children and the occasional hipster. It is exactly like baseball except you kick a larger rubber ball.

Pros: You can peg people to get them out. That's pretty fun. The rules are simple.

Cons: Inexplicably absent from most people's day-to-day consciousness.

Outlook: Kickball has been severely underrated for years. Beats me why there aren't 40,000 people flocking to kickball stadiums around the nation every day. In the meantime, kickball faces an intriguing first round match-up and it should be interesting.

Sorry for the hold-up...

I've been a little swamped what with school finishing up everything for school. The tournament will get rolling again on Thursday night.

Thanks for your patience and continued support.

Peace...and much love to ya.

First Round: My Dad (1) vs. Miley Cyrus (16)

MY DAD

Seed: 1

Overview: My dad is the coolest dad. He is cooler than your dad.

Pros: Looks good in a goatee.

Cons: Doesn't have a goatee any more.

Outlook: My dad is a perennial favorite in this tournament. Last time we ran this tourney he ran all the way to the championship game, where he was of course defeated by the juggernaut that is Robert Goulet. Similar results are expected this time around from the man we call "The Bishop."


MILEY CYRUS

Seed: 16

Overview: Miley is the daughter of Billy Ray Cyrus...the guy who sang that "Achy Breaky Heart" song. She is expected to be the new Britney Spears, meaning everyone will stop whatever they are doing whenever she pukes.

Pros: Little kids dig her.

Cons: She's going up against my dad.

Outlook: Not hopeful for the young, Disney singer. She would have a legitimate shot if she were not going up against my dad, who is a beast in this tournament.