Day 39

Today I went to a wake. I do not like wakes. And I do not like when people die.

Beth Langley was the special education teacher I worked under in Naperville. She was a good teacher and a good person to work for. My last year there I had a very stressful job and I used to just go to her room to chill at the end of the day. She'd be all, "Mike, you look like you had a tough day." Then I'd bitch about stuff or just lie down on the floor for a while (that was the year I decided I just don't give a shit about germs any more.) Then she'd tell me to go home and drink and make sure I come back tomorrow. And I always did. She was only 56.

People say some of the strangest things at funerals. Like, "Oh, it was so sweet of you to come!" I never know what to say to this. "Thank you...it was sweet of you to come too." I mean, she was my friend too. I'm not just here because I want to be supportive of her other friends.

But I guess I kind of get where they are coming from. Wakes are awkward times when nobody is really all that sure how to start conversation and I guess this is as good a way as any. Everyone seems to be striving for the most appropriate things to say.

Which brings me to my next point. I actually had a delightful time. Yeah, it was sad, but no sadder than sitting at home thinking about it. And I saw a TON of people that I haven't seen in ages. And we all just talked and laughed and talked about work and stuff. (I realize that talking about work is not fun to most people, but it is when you work with autistic kids.) And I got to talk to Becky, who is the first teacher I worked with in my district, and she is going to contact National-Louis and request that I student teach for her. So it was even a productive time! Beth would be very happy.

But then there is the whole business of observing the body. I find this unnecessary and morbid. I guess it is done because people want to say good-bye last time. I guess that is fine and if it makes people feel better I shouldn't complain. But I personally don't find any emotion at all in that. I just think, "Ew...a dead body." It's not her. It's what she used to live in. Now it is just an empty shell. I don't want THAT to be the way I remember the person. I would rather just have a bunch of pictures or something...they are far more indicative of the person they were and they are no less a representation of the real person than the body.

But that's just me.

Anyway, that is what I did tonight. I also worked eight hours with kids. One of my kids got sad. He said, "Is Mrs. Langley dead? Does that mean she's never coming back? Never?" That was probably the most emotional I got.

So it goes.

Holiday weekend. Let's have some fun!